I have nothing much to blog about ..
One week of the holidays have just passed
Two weeks of holidays now remain

Met up with some of my Sec4 classmates last week and it made me miss my Secondary School life even more :(
I seriously hate the feeling of missing something.
Even though I wasn't so close to my classmates, I still miss them, for going through Sec3 and Sec4 together as a class.
All the randomness, all the epicness, all the laughter and joy we shared in class, all the trouble we got into, all the times we spent studying together for O's, etc.. Ahhhhh T.T I wish 2010 could repeat itself! :(

All those sudden flashbacks are making me moody nowadays :(
and I fucking hate the new topics that are being introduced for my course. Remember the time when you had just begun your Secondary school life, and algebra was the first thing they introduced to you. It was completely alien to you, but you had no choice, you still had to learn it by hard as it was a foundation topic.

I feel exactly the same way right now. The only modules in which I think I can cope with are Microbiology, Engineering Maths and Organic Chem as these were my strong topics in Sec4 (although I didn't take Bio lol). The others are like making me feel that 'Sec1' feeling again ... I fucking hate it

The reason why I loved Sec4 so much more than from Sec 1 to Sec 3, was because I only had to study for O'levels .. especially during the period where every subject had beem taught finish by the teachers and we only had to do revision, no more lessons left to take, so I could do all my revision papers, read all my textbooks and revision notes in peace. I had a certain aim when I was studying, I knew what I was studying for, I knew that after studying, it would help me do well for O'levels, therefore I could get myself motivated to study.

But right now, I'm back to that Sec 1 feeling again, where I'm so insecure, I don't know what I'm studying for, I didn't grasp what the teacher was trying to say in her lectures, or maybe I'm just a slow learner. Because of that, I don't have the mood to study at all, cause I just freaking won't understand what I'm studying...just like in Sec 1 again !

And then I won't be able to study in peace, cause I'm not sure of how tough the future topics will be. Will I be able to cope, or will I just crumble under additional stress. Fuck it, all these insecurities are driving me mad right now. God, please give me the motivation to study please! T-T get rid of all my insecurities!!! I want to get a good GPA...
Even when I'm taking a hot bath, or lying down in bed listening to music, all these thoughts will come into mind. I can't just sit down for a moment without encountering these troubled thoughts... I really can't ...

Sigh, and I miss being able to talk to someone every day. Back in my Sec4 days, I could sms someone everyday to chat about our daily lives, happenings and so on.. I could share all my thoughts with her. Even though she made me sad quite a number of times, she still provided me with a listening ear. We haven't been talking recently, but we're still friends.. but those days when she was more than a friend to me, will never be forgotten :(

2010 has been such an eventful year for me, not just because of O'levels, but because of all the things that happened in it.
I guess I cherished 2010 all the more as it was going to be my last year as Marist,(FYI - I've been a Marist for 10 years) and the last time I could ever see my classmates :(

sigh... I miss so many things about Maris and those 10 years that I spent there that I just can't name them all... =(
All I can hope for now is that I will get over those wonderful memories as a Marist and concentrate on my 3 years as an SP student.
Other than that, I think it's all part of growing up =|
Peace ~